Happy Birthday to me! (and Happy Halloween, too!)
Day 31: I am grateful for my life, all of it.
This is something I may or may not have said 31 days ago. This is the first birthday I can remember in recent history where I am not as depressed about getting closer to dying (hey, Halloween brings a death theme, too, so I am super surrounded by it each year). I guess my experiment worked!
In all honesty, it was hard. Hard to wake up and 1. remember to post and 2. think of something to say and 3. mean it. But, pretty much without fail, each Gratitude Post made me feel better. Posting what I was grateful for gave me something little to focus on each day. I am really glad I did it.
I was talking to my husband last night in bed with the lights out and I had a moment of Death Freak Out. He said, “but life is more beautiful because of death.” And I suddenly felt calm. It’s not like this is a new concept. But hearing it, at that moment, was what I needed. You know how you can know things intellectually, but you don’t really live the concepts until they viscerally sink in? Well, I guess I am starting to viscerally embrace the life-death cycle. It’s a new feeling. Calming.
So, I am excited about today! I get to do whatever I want this morning (and I am going to live in the moment, so I am not sure yet what that is! Woa!), then I have yoga, a sushi lunch with my sister, and then we are going clothes shopping! Lots of my favorite things 🙂 Then, more “in the moment”/unplanned time and dinner with my husband and family.
Today, I am grateful for my life, all of it. Today, I choose to live.