How your fear is showing you want you really want
Fear is a natural part of growth and of being human.
Fear can also take many forms and show up in different behaviors: procrastination, lack of clarity, yelling, withdrawing/shutting out.
How does fear show up for you most?
For a lot of my clients, it shows up sneakily as a pervasive “lack of clarity”. A client came to me saying she felt stuck and that she wasn’t living up to her potential that she knows she had within her.
I asked her, “well, what do you really want?”
She was stumped.
“I don’t know,” she responded.
A few questions later, and some digging, and we discover that she knows exactly what she wants – her fear was just so big that she was trying to talk herself out of wanting what it is that she wanted.
Have you ever experienced this?
When you have a dream, something you really, really want, the size of your fear will match the size of your dream.
I’ll say that another way: when you experience fear of something, it is likely because you really want it.
Your fear is showing you what you really want.
Those who are successful and achieve their dreams so do not because of lack of fear or obstacles. They are successful because they were brave enough to move through the fear and follow the underlying need.
You can move through your fear, too!
Here is how:
- Notice you are in Fear. Just notice. Take some time to gather data on yourself so that you can identify how fear shows up for you. What behaviors do you exhibit when you are in fear?
- Feel your feelings and your fear. This may be very hard for some of you, especially if you tend to run from your emotions. I invite you to “be” with them. Allow the emotion to be felt in your body and just feel it. It will pass. If you try to stop it, it will get stuck there and rise up again later when it gets triggered by a similar situation. If you play out the worse-case scenario (If this happened, then what? And then what?) you will likely realize that what you are most afraid of are your emotions. Your emotions won’t kill you. It might seem like them will, but in the end, they are just emotions. Remember, you are much more resourceful than you may be giving yourself credit for.
- Acknowledge the real need. Underneath every fear, there is a need not being met. When you meet that need, you build the strength of your success. Are you needing connection? Space? Creative outlet? Something else? Give yourself permission to want what you want. Acknowledge it. Your desires and needs are just your desires and needs. They are not “bad” and they are not “good.” They just are.
- Take loving action. Fear may try to stop you from taking action towards your desires. But the more you take action anyway, the more you are telling your fear, you are not in control. I am. This is a muscle that needs to be exercised to get strong. So take action, any action, towards your dream to build the new habit of not letting fear stop you. Just let it inform you of where you need to go next.
Until next time…
With love and light,
Nicole Justine Cavanaugh