Who are you becoming?
I wrote the first draft of this article, and then I threw it out. It didn’t feel authentic. I was going to say, here are the steps to creating a vision of a life you love. But I have done that and it’s only half-worked.
I just realized why.
Because my visions were about things that I wanted to have and to do. I want to have a beautiful house, and I want to be a published author, for example. And, I have yet to get into a disciplined routine about writing (I have struggled with this for at least 5 years). And I don’t have enough money for a house right now.
So, I get discouraged. I beat myself up. I see others having what I want and I get sad and, as hard as this to admit, jealous.
But, I realize now that my underlying craving isn’t really about these things.
What I really, truly want is this: I want to feel nurtured and loved and seen. I want to believe that I am enough.
I just think that if I “get” those other things, I will feel the way I want to feel.
Do you feel this, too?
My vision is actually a vision of who I want to be. The kind of person I want to be known as, not for others’ validation, but for my own internal alignment.
This surprised me. Somewhere inside myself, I knew this. But today is the moment that the awareness landed differently in me. So, I wanted to share it with you, in case it might give you a new perspective, too.
I want to be more disciplined, and trustworthy, and kind, to be the type of person others can count on and who people want to be around. I want to be brave enough to share my thoughts and opinions, even if others disagree, and to have respect for others even if they operate differently than I do. I want to unleash my creativity and my light. And I want to be loved for who I am.
And to feel that. To let it in.
People love you. They really love you. Do you let it in? I find this hard, sometimes.
I want to live in a world where we are each loved and accepted for who we are. A world in which we are each seen and heard and feel valued. It feels like total crap to be stepped on, to feel like you are not enough, and to be constantly searching for the validation of others.
And I realized that I don’t always contribute to this vision of the world I want. In fact, sometimes I do more damage.
Each moment I judge someone, shut someone out because of my own fear, or let my emotions overtake me and do further damage to another are moments where I am adding to the problems that I want to solve.
This isn’t easy. It’s not something that happens overnight, to re-route your habits and patterns and conditioning.
But, it is something I can start right now, by making a choice in every moment of how I want to be. And you can, too. Chances are, what you want most isn’t the external dream, though that is important, too.
You just want to be loved for who you are. To know that you are enough.
So, who do you need to be, to truly live that?
I encourage you to post your thoughts below. I would love to hear from you.
Until next time…
With much love and light,
Nicole Justine Cavanaugh